


Miracles in December

by mybigfatcat



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Christmas Fluff, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, SecretSantaFS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:14:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21905029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mybigfatcat/pseuds/mybigfatcat
Summary: Their phone calls are best described as jovial, and sometimes serious. They're friendly calls, they're calls where they update each other on their lives, their weeks, their months. They're calls that makes Yuzuru's heart swell, and then break.
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Comments: 4
Kudos: 70
Collections: Secret Santa's Kiss & Cry 2019





	Miracles in December

**Author's Note:**

  * For [emilia_kaisa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/gifts).



> Excuse this confused figure skating fan (and your Secret Santa) who had completely forgotten that Yuzuru was going to the Japanese nationals this year. Let’s just say that Yuzuru didn’t have to attend them this year either. And that Revolution on Ice probably has a bit more liberal schedule in this version of reality (LOL). I hope you enjoy, dear recipient. Merry Christmas!

-

**December 20th, 2019**  
_Toronto, Canada_

The words are on the tip of his tongue. They're just about to spill out from his lips when fear, or regret, or some other dark and shivering sensation, stops him. They've been on the phone together for about fifteen minutes, not long enough that the silent pauses turn half a minute long, but long enough that the initial awkwardness has faded. It's always like that, when they talk on the phone after a while of only texting. There's the initial awkward hellos, the clearing of the throat, the nervous giggle and the accidental interrupting each other. Then, with some practice, and a few more minutes to get their bearings straight, they manage to find this comfortable and familiar rhythm.

Their phone calls are best described as jovial, and sometimes serious. They're friendly calls, they're calls where they update each other on their lives, their weeks, their months. They're calls that makes Yuzuru's heart swell, and then break.

Every time he's on the phone with Javier he's reminded why he's in love with him. Everytime they hang up, when reality crashes back in, he's reminded why it can only be a crush.

Sometimes, like today, the urge to come clean and to say "the reason why I call you so often lately is that I _like_ you," hits him so strong that the words almost slip out. But everytime, like today, he never say the words.

"You're not still... considering it, right?" Javier berates him, he's got a playful undertone to his voice, but Yuzuru also knows he is being serious. The thing Yuzuru is supposed to not be considering, has been a hot topic between them lately.

"I don't know, it would be a smart move for me at this point in my career," Yuzuru says, like he's said many times before these past months.

Javier hums on the other end of the line, and the sound sends tiny sparks of something out across Yuzuru's skin. It's pleasant, and it's a soft feeling. Something that threatens to wrap around his heart and settle there.

"Just don't be too hasty about it, I don't like the thought of you regretting things," Javier says.

" _More_ things," Yuzuru says more to himself than to Javier, but Javier still makes that humming noise to signal he's understood. Only, how can he, when Yuzuru won't come clean? The words he so desperately wants to speak weigh heavily on him yet again, for a second time in the same phone call. This has never happened before.

"So what are your plans for Christmas? Is your mother still in Japan?" Javier asks after one of those familiar moments of quiet that stretch out between them like a varm duvet.

"Yes, she will stay for a while," Yuzuru says and gets up from the couch where he had been lying on his back until now. He starts to pace. There's room for exactly six steps by the living room windows before he has to turn and walk back the same way only to repeat the same path over and over.

"And for Christmas? You're gonna be alone?" Javier asks again.

"No, I'll go to the Christmas party at the club." "That's only a couple of hours on Christmas Eve," Javier berates him.

"Yes, _mom_ ," Yuzuru says with a whine, "I promise I'll get up and move every hour so my eyes wont turn square from playing games." Javier laughs his warm and hearty laugh that Yuzuru loves so much, the timber of it translates perfectly even if they're in a trans-atlantic call. Yuzuru feels the words bubbling up one more time, and this time they almost make it.

"I- I miss playing games with you," he says and the speed of his pacing increases as his hand starts to feel clammy on the phone.

Javier makes more of his humming noises, but this time they make Yuzuru feel a bit sick.

"We're grown-ups now, we can't play games all the time," Javier finally says.

Yes, Yuzuru thinks. This is reality, and he can't play games with Javier like this, he needs to step back.

-

**December 20th, 2019**  
_Madrid, Spain_

Christmas used to be a long period of wait, of tradition and of sweets and food, when Javier still lived in Spain. Before Canada and changing coach to Brian Orser. To be quite honest, it had been all that until Yuzuru Hanyu had come into his life. Now, even though he's with his family, and even though he doesn't have to long for the Christmas carolers going from house to house singing those familiar songs, the roscón de reyes cake with sweet candied fruits, or his mother's cooking - Christmas doesn't feel complete anymore.

He keeps expecting to find a pyjama clad twice Olympic gold medallist sitting with his legs crossed much too close to the TV in his living room. He's spent the morning replying to emails and making phone calls, and there's one phone number he keeps scrolling by over and over, his finger itching to press "call".

It's when he's unconsciously singing along to a Christmas carol on the radio while restlessly scrolling through the Yuzuru Hanyu tag on instagram that he realises what he's doing. He's stalling.

When was the last time he called Yuzuru? A month or two ago? And since then it's been Yuzuru calling _him_. He'd thought that maybe the smartest thing to do was to step back and give them both some space. He'd thought that it was a nice thing to do, to not cling to Yuzuru like this when he's not really in any position to ask more of him. But things have changed since he retired, big things, and at this point he's just - to put it plainly - stalling.

He's not sure what outcome it is he's trying to push as far into the future as possible. Mostly he tells himself that it's the nice thing to do, to save Yuzuru from his increasingly greedy feelings.

He lasts until the middle of the afternoon, then he finally gives in. Javier calls Yuzuru, and asks about Christmas and finds out that Yuzuru misses their Christmases too.

-

**December 24th, 2019**  
_Toronto, Canada_

"You know you can call anytime, right?" Brian asks and gives him one of his looks, which Yuzuru has learnt it's best to ignore.

"Yes, I know," Yuzuru says and nods as he reaches for the seat belt. Brian is holding the cab door open. Brian looks like he's about to say something, he even frowns a bit at Yuzuru, but then he seemingly changes his mind and shrugs. Instead he looks back at the club entrance where a group of people are mingling and a few of them smoking. Brian apparently comes to some sort of conclusion because he sighs and turns back, frown gone.

"We'll see you after Christmas break," Brian says with a fatherly smile.

"Yes, merry Christmas, Brian," Yuzuru replies. He tries to act like he hasn't noticed the dilemma Brian is trying to hide.

"Merry Christmas," Brian says, still smiling warmly, and closes the cab door for him. Yuzuru waves a few times at Brian as the cab drives away, then he lets his head fall back against the headrest and closes his eyes. He hopes the world will stop spinning before he gets home. And he hopes that he can erase the looks of pity on his training mates' and the staff members' faces when they thought he wasn't looking from his memory.

The Christmas songs playing on low volume on the car radio feels familiar and safe and helps to distract his racing mind. Before he knows it, the cabs slows down and stops by the curb outside Yuzuru's apartment building.

It's not until he's paid the cab fare, and closed the door after getting out of the car, that he notices the figure waiting inside the warmly lit main entrance lobby.

He stops mid step and freezes, a feeling of unease growing in the pit of his stomach. There's been overzealous fans, and there's been intrusive journalists, but mostly the security detail working with him during bigger events deal with those things without him having to know too much. But this is different, this is a person standing in the lobby of his apartment building, dressed in what looks like a hoodie and a green-

"Oh!" Yuzuru exclaims and hurries to the entrance and almost messes up the pin code for the door in his eagerness.

The name is out of his mouth before he can stop himself.

-

**December 24th, 2019**  
_Toronto, Canada_

"Javi!" Yuzuru says, his voice is that high pitched tone filled with excitement that Javier knows so well from competitions. And from the few times they’ve met since he retired. He knows it so well that even as he turns to face Yuzuru who’s just come inside the lobby, he’s already bracing for impact.

Sure enough, a second later he’s got his arms full of a soft Yuzuru wearing a big padded jacket.

“Hey,” he says, and hugs back.

“What are you doing here?” Yuzuru asks and his words come out muffled against his shoulder.

Javier hugs Yuzuru even closer for a moment, presses his lips against the side of Yuzuru’s head. When his breath comes out a bit shaky it surprises him. There’s a stinging sensation in his eyes, and his throat is closing up. Suddenly it’s very hard to speak. As if this new feeling is contagious he can feel how Yuzuru is shivering in his arms as well.

“I-” he starts, but his voice cracks. He has to clear his throat and try again.

“I missed you,” Javier says, and Yuzuru is the one releasing shaky breaths now.

It seems like they stay in the hug for mere seconds and an entire eternity - all at once.

“Come, we should go up,” Yuzuru finally says as he pulls back. Javier lets him go, but not completely. He throws an arm around Yuzuru’s waist. Just in case. He wants Yuzuru to stay with him until they can figure this thing out. Whatever this thing is that made it torturously impossible for him to stay in Spain this Christmas, that forced him to pay through his nose for a plane ticket to Canada.

He has to let go after the quiet elevator ride, when Yuzuru has to dig through his pockets to get to his keys.

“Welcome to my home,” Yuzuru announces happily, like he always has done when Javier has come for a visit. That little habit, that Yuzuru does without thinking, makes Javier’s heart swell with things he’s tried to not pay attention to before. Makes his heartfelt “thank you,” feel a thousand times more sincere than ever before.

When they’re inside, and the outside world is behind a locked door, he finds Yuzuru curiously watching him as he’s stepping out of his shoes.

“What?” he asks, and Yuzuru just smiles and shrugs.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Yuzuru says.

Javier can’t really believe it either, but he’s standing in the Hanyu family apartment, he’s drawing in breaths of air that smells just like Yuzuru’s clothes always smell, and he knows it’s painfully real. This is not a dream. It’d be a shame if it was considering he spent most of a day in an airport of on a plane.

Yuzuru is the one who surprises him by reaching out to take his hand.

“Come,” he says, and pulls gently until Javier follows in his footsteps.

They head to the small living room where a tiny plastic tree with multi-colored lights is glowing against the backdrop of the city outside.

“That’s cute,” Javier says and points at the tree. Yuzuru laughs and sits down on the couch.

“I wanted it, my mother didn’t really understand why. It made me think of-”

Yuzuru pauses as he reaches over the side of the couch to turn on a reading light.

“What?” Javier asks.

Yuzuru seems to think about it, his forehead creased in thought, before he comes up with his reply.

“It makes me think of you, I guess,” Yuzur says.

This time it’s Javier who initiates the hug.

“It didn’t feel like Christmas without you either,” Javier says against the skin on the side of Yuzuru’s neck. Yuzuru is shivering in his arms again.

His heart is beating a strange rhythm in his chest, much stronger and more powerful than he’s ever felt before. Less electric and more life changing. Life changing, as in suddenly he’s considering staying right here in Toronto in Yuzuru’s apartment. As in he’s kissing Yuzuru’s skin. As in he’s kissing Yuzuru’s lips.

“I missed you so much,” Yuzuru whispers, and Javier crumbles into pieces and finds that Yuzuru’s arms around him and his lips against his lips put him back together again. And as their breaths mingle in the air between them, he's able to breathe again.

Javier holds Yuzuru’s face between his hands, kisses him again and again until they’re too out of breath to do anything but sit with their foreheads resting against each other.

Then the words, the words he’s feared, bubbles up all by themselves.

“I love you, you know,” he says.

Yuzuru chuckles a bit, and then he pulls Javi into a kiss with a hand on the nape of his neck.

“Me too, I love you too, silly,” Yuzuru says after the soft kiss, still with that smile on his lips.

Javier, as he looks into Yuzuru’s beautiful face, thinks this is the best Christmas miracle ever.

-

**December 25th, 2019**  
_Toronto, Canada_

The sky is barely grey when Yuzuru wakes up. The first thing he hears is Javier’s slow breaths, and the first thing he feels is the hand in his.

He feels warm to the core of his heart. It’s a slow and steady happiness, one with a foundation built over countless years. He can relax back against Javier and kiss his hand in his. Just seconds later he falls back asleep again, with a small smile on his lips. This is the Christmas day he had somehow always wanted, but never known how to ask for.

-


End file.
